HOW 2 WORKING PARENTS ARE LIVING, LOVING & THRIVING DURING COVID
20-year-old me wanted it all. I was fiercely career driven, laser focused on accomplishing big things in the media industry. My career as a broadcast journalist and producer came with some bumps, yet overall was beautiful. I lived in and traveled to many places, met lots of interesting people, and made some incredible friendships and memories. When it came to settling down and having a family of my own, I didn’t think much about it. I figured that it would all just naturally fall in place. HA! Gotta love that fresh 20-something optimism!
When my guy and I learned that we were pregnant, I was in my late 30’s, had just finished grad-school and he was heading back to school too. We were in a long distance relationship. This was my first adult lesson in surrender. Because I’d just spent tons of money on my education, and didn’t grasp the impact of motherhood, my first logical response was to continue job hunting in L.A., where I lived, studied and created connections in the industry.
I failed miserably. I literally went on 16 interviews from the time that I was newly pregnant, until I was about 8-months along, and nothing panned out! Granted, my pregnancy probably factored into some of those job rejections. Not just from an underlining discrimination standpoint, but also because I was not yet comfortable with my new role. Half of those interviews were done in L.A. However, mid-way through, I decided to follow my heart. I made a decision to move to Louisville, Kentucky to be with my man. Something I NEVER imagined doing. He was studying there and we decided that being together in the same place would be best for our growing family. It was a super tough decision to give up what I thought was a prime location, contacts and career potential, to start over in a brand new place. I didn’t know anyone, outside of my guy. It was an off-market place career wise, and I had no job leads.
But what I DID HAVE was lots of love and support, the opportunity to raise our daughter together, access to a great obstetrician who supported my desire to have a natural birth, an incredible doula that I met along the way, and little did I know, a top-tier preschool that our daughter later attended, which set her up for academic success. I would have missed out on ALL of these blessings, if I’d stayed stuck. Stuck in a mold of what I thought was ‘success’ that I created for myself. Rooted in the thought that women who follow their hearts are somehow weak. I later learned that we’re actually way stronger. By jumping into the unknown and surrendering to love, I was in fact supported all of the way through.
That was the first step of surrender. My second lesson came after our daughter arrived, and I realized the fullness of what being a mom truly means. She was a good baby. Of course there were some sleepless nights as she adjusted to her sleep schedule as an infant and throughout teething, but her smart, sweet spirit made it all make sense. I knew then that I was her protector, her teacher, one of her role models, her everything. And she was mine. I had to act accordingly, truly surrender to her, and to motherhood, without losing myself. That was a huge call to shift.
I’ve never met anyone who has said that navigating work and motherhood is easy, especially when help and resources feel thin. Being away from close family and friends was challenging but there are a few things that helped:
Working from home: Thankfully after my 16 interviews with various companies while pregnant, I landed a remote position that allowed me to work from home, which was invaluable when our daughter was an infant. When I moved onto the next gig, I negotiated working from home twice a week, which was a lifesaver. Being more in control of my schedule allowed me to balance multiple responsibilities.
Navigating childcare: After an unsettling experience at a local daycare, I found a great part-time babysitter online. Even though we went through all of the proper background check protocols, the thought of having someone that I didn’t know personally watch my child was nerve-wrecking at first. However, time allowed us to grow closer and for trust to increase. I also put her on preschool waiting lists early. This allowed us to transition from a sitter to a classroom setting a lot quicker than I thought.
Creating community support: As a new mom in the Midwest, I literally had NO mom friends. I tried joining a moms group, but my schedule didn’t sync with the other women who were mostly stay-at home moms. So, I created a working moms group, which started with a few women and grew to over 100 before we left. My daughter and I linked up with the moms group on the weekends. It allowed us to explore the city while Ira was studying or traveling for school trips. We went on walks, to storytimes, had playdates, did activities and even spent a few holidays with some of our momma friends. Some of them were also transplants, like us.
Exploring together: One thing that I truly treasure from our stint in the Midwest was all of the mother/daughter time we were able to experience. I made sure to fill up our schedule with fun and interactive things to do together, especially on nights that Ira was at school. This included cooking together, visiting the library, going to museums, farms, puppet shows and more. We grew closer and it helped to form the strong bond that we have today.
Fast forward to now. We have two, young kids. Ira and I are both working in the midst of COVID season, and both of our children are in school. How are we making it work? In lots of ways! Our time in Louisville, hanging solo with our daughter, helped better prepare me for this season. While every day is different and ebbs and flows, there are a few things that are constant:
RESPECT: Ira works in the medical field. At the start of the COVID crisis his work was paused. This gave him an opportunity to be the main remote/homeschooling parent, which changed the game when he went back to work (which is still unsettling with the pandemic). Not that he didn’t respect my role before, but the experience gave him a much better sense of what homeschooling was like, the flow of our day, what worked and what didn’t. We have mutual respect for each other’s family roles and what we both contribute, which makes for a better flow of communication.
HELPING OUT: I hang with the kids, work, homeschool and run my business from home during the day. Ira makes sure to hop in when he’s home after work. Bath time is usually their time. He and the kids reconnect, which gives me time to catch my breath!
NON-NEGOTIABLES: I’ve learned that establishing non-negoitables helps us both as working parents get alone time to decompress, so that we can be stronger as a unit. One of mine is working out solo, during the weekend. He’s a big movie buff. His favorite way to hit the reset button includes watching movies, playing video games or listening to podcasts, after the kids are in bed.
MEDITATION & PRAYER: In addition to wearing our masks and being health conscious, I’ve added daily prayer and meditation into my mix, and am slowly infusing the practices into some of our family routines to help us all stay grounded.
LIFE IS CYCLICAL: If anything, this year has taught us how to value life more. It’s also reinforced that change is always possible. One day I may work outside of the home more, or travel more frequently. My role could change. I’m enjoying the present and trying to soak up the moments as they exist now. There’s never going to be another time like this--when he’s 2 and she’s 6 and we’re here in this evolving moment. Weird or not, it’s ours. As a parent, I feel an obligation to protect the love, growth and happiness that is still blooming.
PERSPECTIVE: The concept of surrendering as a woman and parent may sound hard. But looking at things in totality it’s really not. From the media work I’ve done, and the famous people I’ve met, nothing has brought me more joy than being an integral part of my own family. Once you see yourself as a unit, it helps to put things into perspective. You move differently. Yep, there’s a lot of grit work and sacrifice. But what you get in return is something that words can’t carry. You feel unconditional and unconquerable love. Their support means they always want you to win. That is something magical! Because when you win, they win. We all win. Our family’s goal is to move, build, elevate and vibrate, as reflections of the most high. This is my experience as a spouse and parent. I believe that families and support systems exist in many forms. The should all be celebrated! Especially when it comes to surrender. When I stopped catering to my own ego, released fear and the pressure to live up societal norms, I not only fell deeper in love, but was also supported in love. I’m not just referring to romantic love. I also mean a love of self, of partnership, family, of choices, and faith—knowing that when you release what no longer serves you and jump; you will be held in the most supreme way. Go with your heart and stay with it. No matter what.